Doggie Divas Invade Tinsel Town

Monday, August 13, 2001 - USA

"Thus we may see,' quoth he,
'how the world wags...'
All the world's a stage,
And all the [mutts] merely players"

Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act II, Sc. 7

HOLLYWOOD, CA — The year is 2001.  The original Lassie has been in retirement for almost half a century.  A state-of-the-art animation technique called CGI (Computer Graphic Imagery) is responsible for keeping 102 virtual Dalmatians right on cue every time.  "Talking dogs" are no longer done the cute, old-fashioned way (with peanut butter, remember?), but instead it's accomplished with a computer lab full of microprocessors, rendering digitally-enhanced frames pixel-by-pixel.

But no matter how realistic they may seem, these postproduction pooches lack two crucial elements: (1) the unpredictable and serendipitous individuality that can only spring from the workings of a wondrous, living mind; and (2) dogbreath (all the computers at NASA couldn't simulate that).

Attesting to this theory, a website launched in May, HollywoodPaws.com, has been drawing the attention of talent agents, scouts and producers from all over.  These showbiz bigwigs aren't necessarily looking for Marlon Brandog or Marilyn Muttroe, and they're certainly not looking for a dog that'll fit on a CD-ROM.  They're going back to the basics, into the homes and back yards of the nonprofessionals, looking for a "diamond in the ruff", so to speak.
(Photo: April has the celebrity attitude down!)

HollywoodPaws.com is a service dedicated to giving these dogs their chance.  For no charge, they'll post your pooch's portfolio on the web to be perused by talent-seekers, and often that's all it takes for a dog to get a leg-up on the competition—ooh, but not in the casting room, please; they just had the carpets cleaned.

Sporting the "dog next door" look, Hoover has shown herself to be quite adept at training: her owners have now been trained to let her sleep in bed and to let her eat pizza crusts." (HollywoodPaws.com)

Included in the HollywoodPaws showcase, you may find a few fuzzy, familiar faces such as Rusty ("Quark" the family dog on Fox/Disney's Honey I Shrunk the Kids TV series), Rowdy (Practical Magic, Halloweentown, The Jack Bull and ads for International Delight and Stainmaster Carpets), as well as countless other canine thespians who prefer less demanding roles such as stand-ins, doubles and background extras.

Even if Chelsea's acting career doesn't pan out, she'll have a great future as a groundskeeper.

A quick scan of the HollywoodPaws clientele will show you hundreds of dogs and cats ranging from the unbelievably talented to the unbelievably...something, and if you look closely enough, you may even recognize President Bush's own Springer Spaniel Spot looking for work. (Smart dog.  After all, that White House gig can't last forever.)

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