DOPE DEALER RULE #1: Don't Leave Dog Alone with Stash

Monday, August 20, 2001 - USA

Editor's note: Earlier, we had planned on headlining this report:

Dudes Deal Dope,
Dog Does Damage,
Deputies Discover Drugs,

But, though it would have been more descriptive, such an unwarranted use of gratuitous alliteration would have gotten our poetic license suspended for sure (we're already on probation for numerous other counts)...

MISSOULA, MT — What you are about to read is not an excerpt from a bad Cheech & Chong movie, nor even a good Cheech & Chong movie, for that matter.  (...is there such a thing?)  

Last Monday, a strange series of events resulted in a damaged water line, an angry landlord, a hefty plumber's bill, a drug bust and a few people in a whole hemp of trouble.  Sure, blame it on the dog.  We will now attempt to recreate the complex sequence of occurrences with the help of our canine sketch artist, "Penny".

Some time Monday, August 12, 2001, Michael J. Staley, 23, and Jenna Lee Fetters, 22, left their Black Labrador tied to an outside water spigot at their house in Missoula.

While the two were away, the dog either lunged or pulled at the tether, thereby yanking the water spigot and causing a pipe to break.  The broken pipe then began flooding the basement of the house.

Once alerted, the property management company's repair crew came out to the scene and realized that the emergency water shut-off valve was located in the basement of the house.  The repair personnel then gained access to the basement and promptly turned off the water, but in so doing, they literally stumbled over rows marijuana plants, grow-lights and incriminating cultivation equipment.

The police were called...

"They had to squeeze between 6-foot high marijuana plants," commented Lieutenant Jim Neumayer of the police department.

Then, while police were still searching the basement, Staley and Fetters drove up to the house.  The two were arrested on the spot and charged with criminal production and manufacture of a dangerous drug, which carries a penalty of up to 20 years in prison and a $50,000 fine.

The whereabouts of the Black Lab are unverified at the moment.  It is possible that the dog is being given foster care at another home pending the investigation.  Let's hope it's indoors this time.

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