College-Bound Pooch Eligible for Scholarship

Tuesday, August 28, 2001 - USA

Working Class Dog ©1981 RCA

INTERVIEWER: Hello, Hunter.  It shows here that you would like to apply for a college scholarship.  Do you have any particular institution in mind?

INTERVIEWEE: Arf!

INTERVIEWER: Ah, yes.  ARF.  University of Arkansas, Fayetteville.  Wonderful school.  Excellent Poultry Science Program.  How are your SAT scores?

INTERVIEWEE: Ruf!

INTERVIEWER: Rough, indeed.  Well, we will provide you with proper study materials for the PSAT, SAT and ACT placement tests.  Are you still interested?

INTERVIEWEE: Bow wow!

INTERVIEWER: Such eagerness! Such exuberance...!

ALTON, MO — An official letter addressed to "Hunter Schnarr", an Australian Shepherd living in Alton, requested the dog's attendance at a scheduled interview with the College Financial Aide Services Inc. of Albany, NY.  The letter stated that Hunter is "one of the local students eligible to apply for grants, scholarships, negotiated tuition discounts and interest-free loans" through the college assistance program.

Hunter's guardian Kim Schnarr is baffled as to how her Aussie Shep ended up on the college roster, especially since Hunter's name had never been logged in any public or private records, except for his rabies vaccination file in Madison County.  Ironically, none of Ms. Schnarr's friends or neighbors have received any such opportunities for their teenage children with college interests.

The interview was scheduled to be held at the Holiday Inn at Westport Plaza in Maryland Heights, MO, but Ms. Schnarr did not indicate whether she intended to take Hunter to the appointment.  Hunter was not available for comment; he was busy sharpening a bunch of No. 2 pencils.

"As long as I don't have to write an essay!"
(Photo: Margie M. Barnes / The Telegraph)

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