"Walk it off. Walk it
off."
—What every Little League
Baseball coach says to every boy who gets hit by a pitch where the sun don't shine.
KINGSTON, ON (Canada) — According to the Toronto Star, Ontario court
has denied a man's claim for a six-figure
settlement against a dog who bit him in the groin four years ago.
In 1997, Brad Walker, a courier, was
delivering a package to Ruth Huffman when "Gypsy", a very
protective German Shepherd, decided to carpe diem (among other
things) and bit the man in the crotch. Ms. Huffman, who
acknowledged Gypsy's untoward advances, testified in court that she had
warned the courier earlier to be careful when making his regular deliveries to
her business.
Mr. Walker sued Ms. Huffman for
$200,000. At the Superior Court of Justice in
Kingston this month, the man fidgeted through three days of testimony
and deliberation of his civil suit, telling the court that he was still
suffering from pain in his pelvis. He also cited physical and emotional pain, razzing by co-workers and a loss of
sexual enjoyment following the 1997 bite to his groin, according to
court documents.
After hearing the entire case, Madam
Justice Lynn Ratushny ruled that Mr. Walker appeared to be exaggerating
the distress he had suffered. She substantially lowered the settlement
and awarded him $2,660 in damages.
We at The Scoop are not entirely insensitive to Mr. Walker's plight. Although we
are not qualified to offer medical or psychological advice, we are,
however, qualified to offer some tips on how to keep from being
"razzed by co-workers", as Mr. Walker indicated in his
lawsuit...
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Once again, we've compiled another Top 8
List, as
always, for the benefit of dogs who have no dewclaws and
can only count to 8. We now present...
dogsinthenews.com presents
The
Top 8 Ways Not to Draw Attention to the Fact that You've Just
Been Bitten in the Groin by a Dog
- Say to the dog loudly,
"Ha! You missed!" Then go and find a
quiet, private place to cry for 20-30 minutes.
- Explain
to your co-workers that your "funny new walk" is
just part of your cool John Wayne image.
- ...uh, a cool Jerry Lewis
image?
- Christmas time is
approaching, and although yuletide cheer is generally a good
thing in the office, don't make the mistake of whistling
Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite while you work.
It could be interpreted the wrong way.
- Forget
the past; focus
on the future. Use the $2,660 settlement money to buy
a year's supply of jockstraps. The fools!
Who's laughing now?!
- Whenever
the subject comes up in conversation, try to downplay the
incident by saying, "Man—and how about that John
Bobbitt!"
- Bribe Scoop reporters so that they won't write an article about
you.
and
the #1 Way Not to Draw Attention to the Fact that You've Just
Been Bitten in the Groin by a Dog is...
- Don't
sue the dog for $200,000. Duh!
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