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"A dog walks into a bar, jumps onto a barstool, and says to the
bartender, "Hey, today is my birthday. Do I get a free
drink?" Bartender says, "Sure, the toilet is around
the corner."
(That's
the lame joke.)
1. Canine
Connoisseur
MARLBOROUGH (New Zealand) — What's
a dog's favorite wine? How about: "Pleeeez, I wanna go
outside!" (Ok... two lame jokes.) Well, here's one dog
who has a nose for Chardonnay. Marlborough winemaker Ross Lawson
may have a leg up on the competition (oh please, not near the grapes)
thanks to canine connoisseur "Tomi", a Golden Labrador who
possesses the keen ability to sniff out the finest grapes in the
vineyard. 
Tomi, quit eating all the profits or you'll be drunk as a dog.
(Photo: Marlborough Express)
The Marlborough
Express reports that Mr. Lawson, owner of Lawson's
Dry Hills, discovered Tomi's talent for selecting ripe grapes when
he noticed that grapes were missing from lower branches of his vines. Mr.
Lawson told the Express: "The first time I realized she
was eating them was when I realized there were whole rows for three or
four bays without a bloody grape on them. She had been getting
underneath the netting and eating them." The 3-year-old dog can
accomplish what most wineries require from rows of scientific
equipment: how to determine the sugar content of ripening grapes. "The
sugar level's got to be high and the acid level low before she'll
touch them," explains Mr. Lawson. "I know that if I go
into a vineyard and she races in and begins chomping, that the grapes
are ripe and ready to harvest. "She can do it on smell alone as
well; she does it in the winery. She'll sniff the bunches and
ignore, or sniff the bunches and eat." The wine company,
founded in 1992, relies on state-of-the-art machinery, automatically
controlled refrigeration, an insulated barrel hall, processing equipment
and a fully-serviced scientific lab on site. ...make that two
Labs. 
Pour me a pint-sized pooch.
At 15oz. and 5 inches, "Taz" the Yorkshire Terrier is vying
for the smallest dog in the
world. This picture has absolutely nothing to do with our
story. (Photo: The Sun)
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2. Take a Dog to Happy Hour
NEW YORK, NY (USA) — Increasing
numbers of pet-friendly bars in the U.S. are making it possible for
dog-lovers to bond with their best friends in public.
Just stop by the Von
(Greenwich Village, NY), Holiday
Inn Select (Old Town, Alexandria, VA) or Cypress
Inn (Carmel, CA) and treat your pooch to biscuits and ice water while
you lap up the drink of your choice.
"We decided to capitalize on happy hours for people walking their
dogs," says Timothy Ruth, food and beverage director of the Holiday
Inn Select. "Dogs are very social animals and so are the people
who typically have dogs."
Some venues also provide Frisbees and tennis balls for dogs who aren't
such great conversationalists.
3. Dog Drowns His Sorrows
After Best Friend's Death
WEST YORKS (UK) — A street
in Featherstone was where ex-seaman Arnold "Sooner" Millard
and his faithful canine companion "Pluto" would do the daily
pub crawl for years.
 The
two were inseparable for as long as anyone can remember; that is,
until Mr. Millard had a heart attack and died in March of this year at
age 73.
True to the end and beyond, Pluto continues to tour their old haunts,
though alone these days. The 14-year-old Jack Russell Terrier
can be seen trotting from the Number 1 Club to the Featherstone Hotel
across the street, then a half mile to the Travellers Rest, and
finally another half mile to Featherstone Working Men’s Club.
"Sooner lived on his own with Pluto and they were never
apart," says one pub worker. "It says something about
Pluto’s loyalty that he still goes round the town."
"Sooner was happiest with a pint in his hand and Pluto at his
feet," says Mary Sharpe who runs the Number 1 Club. "In
the morning Sooner would start with a sandwich and a cup of tea, and
Pluto would finish off the cat’s food. Then Sooner would have
a beer and Pluto would have a tipple too — then they’d be off on
their tour."
Pluto drinks alone these days.
(Photo: The Sun)
At the end of the day, Pluto returns to the Number 1 Club to rest and
reflect, where pub owners say he is welcome to stay like all the other
regulars.
If I had a dime for the jukebox, Pluto, I'd play you "Mr.
Bojangles." He spoke with tears of fifteen years
How his dog and him
Had traveled about.
His dog up and died, he up and died,
After 20 years he still grieves.
Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles,
Mr. Bojangles, Dance.
§§§
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