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Some 20
years ago, my English teacher assigned the class: "Read the
newspaper and find a real-life example of 'poetic
justice'." Well, Ms. Dumas, I think I've finally finished
my homework assignment.
Here to prove that dogs are undoubtedly the swiftest, the wisest (and the most shameless)
authorities on crime and punishment, The Scoop proudly presents
this week's...
1. Man Goes Nuts,
Strikes Police Dog
in the Head. Police Dog Goes Ahead,
Strikes Man in the
"...she was cracking nuts and laughing. The crowd round
them was laughing too and indeed, how could they help laughing?"
Fyodor
Dostoevsky (1821–1881)
Crime and Punishment
MELBOURNE (Australia) —
Try not to laugh. The Sunday Times
reports that a fugitive from the
law was dumb enough to think that he could outrun and outbox a
K-9. The man allegedly punched a police dog in the head while
attempting to escape capture in the bayside suburbs of Melbourne last
Thursday. The dog retaliated with a swift snap to the man's
privates.
Or as a police spokesperson confirmed a bit more descriptively:
"I believe the penis copped a few teeth."
The K-9 was not injured, according to the police report. However, the suspect, a Melbourne man whose identity has been kept
confidential, required some hospital treatment.
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MORAL: Man who attempts burglary
should remember to
protect his own family jewels. |
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2. Car Thief Gets
"Rear-Ended"
by Dog
PERTH (Australia) — The
very next day on the other end of Oz, another police dog took a bite
out of crime in his own way, leaving "only minor lacerations"
on a man's buttock, authorities reported.
Referring to the prior day's Melbourne arrest, the Perth
Police hinted that their K-9 dogs are just a tad more
polite:
"Our dog bit him on the bum," a spokesperson said. "Not
somewhere more delicate."
According to The Sunday Times, the fleeing suspect had allegedly stolen a car and led officers on
a high-speed chase through the southern suburbs of Perth last Friday.
After the car chase ended, the man attempted to escape on foot;
however, his escape plan was "nipped in the butt" by a pursuing
K-9 officer.
The suspect was brought to the ground and—perhaps having heard of what had happened to his
unfortunate predecessor, and not being too keen on receiving a canine circumcision of his
own—surrendered without further resistance.
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MORAL:
Man who runs from police dog is sure to get it in the end. |
But wait. There's more...
CANINE CRIME BLOTTER, Part 2
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Headlines
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