"Dangerous Dog Mauling" Turns Out to Be Man Pretending to Be a Dog ...and a few more from this week's CANINE CRIME BLOTTER, Part 2


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Saturday, June 15, 2002

"Dangerous Dog Mauling" Turns Out to Be Man Pretending to Be a Dog ...and a few more from this week's
CANINE CRIME BLOTTER, Part 2

Continuing from Part 1, we now turn our sights away from "poetic justice" and instead, we take a look at some cases of "pathetic justice". Here, the dogs are no longer in the driver's seat. Humans are in charge, making those foolish and blundering decisions that we humans are often known for.

1. "Dangerous Dog Mauling" Turns Out to Be Man Pretending to Be a Dog

OSLO (Norway) — In early May, a witness was awakened by what was thought to have been the a dog mauling a child in downtown Oslo. The police were immediately called to the scene, but upon their arrival, officers realized that the disruption was being caused by a man who was acting like a dog for his two sons, aged seven and nine.

2. Council Member Says: Dog is a Racist

"Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will."

— Martin Luther King Jr.
Letter from a Birmingham Jail (Jan. 1963)

McKEES ROCKS, Penn. (USA) — A Pennsylvania council member is calling for the death of 5-year-old police dog "Dolpho" because she feels the dog is guilty of racial bigotry.

"I had received complaints from African-Americans saying they believe the dog only attacks African-Americans," said council member Wanda Jones Dixon on Monday. "That dog should be put to sleep."

Fox News reports that the outcry is the

Nonetheless, police arrested the man, 57-year-old Trond S. Hansen, and charged him with disturbing the peace, public drunkenness and child neglect. They jailed him overnight and turned his children over to welfare authorities.

Only later, the truth came out in court: Mr. Hansen had simply been trying to distract his kids from arguing with each other by pretending that he was a dog.

The Law: "It's ok to bark like a dog"
(just don't let it get to your head).
A Norway court acquitted a man for barking in public. No, not the guy in this picture ...and don't worry, "Dameanne" the Papillon (above, left) was in no way harmed during this photo-shoot. The guy, though... that's a different matter altogether. (Photo: Dameanne' Website - today's featured ScoopDogs.com Total Waste of Time)

result of an incident on Friday, in which K-9 officer Schawn Barger was wrestling with a drug suspect. A quick-release button on his belt was activated accidentally, opening a door to the K-9 wagon, and in the confusion, Dolpho charged at a 9-year-old boy instead of the suspect. The boy, who is black, was treated for a dog bite and released the same day.

Ms. Dixon insists

(Editor's note: He wasn't quite the first. See "Impersonating a Police Dog" and "Barking Brothers Attack Police with Fresh Fruit".)

Allegations of the man's drunkenness were also false; his slurred speech that night was explained by his "loose false teeth".

The slightly-embarrassed court awarded the defendant Mr. Hansen 4,000 kroner ($500 USD) for legal costs, and all charges were summarily dismissed.

Superintendent Frode Ruud of the Oslo police laments: "We'll just have to be able to handle people laughing at us."

MORAL: If it sounds like a vicious dog and acts like a vicious dog, it's not necessarily a vicious dog. ...could be an undercover cat.

Hyla gratiosa, or "barking treefrog",
is one of the larger treefrog species. Although it makes a distinctive dog-like call and can be quite loud, no barking treefrog has ever been arrested for it. (Photo: Corbis)

that Dolpho's error in judgment is a racial issue. However, canine experts strongly disagree with her speculation. Kennel owner Tom Brenneman, who has trained over 600 police dogs nationwide, says that dogs can be trained to recognize the scent of drugs, explosives and even fear, but "as far as it being black or white or Hispanic, that doesn't have anything to do with it."

Police Chief Robert Martineau stands behind his four-legged officer, saying that Dolpho is good around children and even visits area schools and day care centers. Says Chief Martineau: "To say the dog is racial ... that's ludicrous."

Dolpho has been taken off active duty, but the Alleghany County Council has not yet made a decision regarding the dog's fate. [UPDATE: Aug 31, 2002]

MORAL: We'll refrain from making any comments on the colossally stupid rantings of a paranoid mind (oh, did I say that out loud?). Instead, we hope you'll enjoy this cute limerick we found, which was submitted in 1996 to the
Toast Point Limerick Contest:

While going on summer vacation,
Rodney King's dog practiced perseveration.
He barked all night long
Rod asked, "Why can't we just get along?"
And with canine friend, shared his libation!

— Magunda

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CRIME BLOTTER, Part 1}