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QUEENSLAND
(Australia) — Attention, all thugs, thieves and misanthropes:
while you're looking our for #1, make sure you don't step in "number
two". Queensland police
reported last Thursday that armed robber Jacob Smith, 26, was positively
identified by a gob of dog excrement on the sole of his shoe. Smith,
who was subsequently found guilty on charges of robbery, being armed and
in company, and unlawful use of a motor vehicle, was sentenced to 10 years
and 10 months for the hold-up of a Gold Coast betting shop earlier this
year. Investigators used enhanced security
camera photos to match the pattern of poop found at the crime scene to
that on Smith's shoe, reports the Australian
Broadcasting Corp. "It's not rocket
science," said police sergeant Alan Piper. "It's as plain
as poo on your shoe." He adds: "It could have been
one of a 1,000 or 10,000 shoes, but because that poo was there it was
creating a great big feature that allowed us to go to a positive
identification." In addition to the regular
forensic procedures, Sergeant Piper admitted that they had conducted a
smell test. At the end of the investigation, there was no doubt as
to the culprit's identity in this bizarre case of who dung it.
#2: Man Busted for Barking
HASTINGS, Neb. (USA) — Arguing
with a police officer is never a wise idea. Arguing with a
police dog is just plain dumb.
On Friday, Sep. 20, Hastings
police were towing a vehicle when a man approached and began making  gestures
at officers. Failing to ruffle their fur, the 21-year-old man began
barking at the police dog "Wojo".
Wojo,
a 2-year-old Belgian Malinois who has served on the force since 2000 with
Officer Ed Burmood, couldn't resist the taunting and began barking back.
Police warned the man to stop, but he persisted (he must've been losing
the argument), prompting the officers to move in to make an arrest.
The man attempted to flee, but officers caught up and arrested him for
"harassing a police dog and obstructing a police officer."
(You want to bark him his Miranda rights, Wojo?)
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#3: Pyromaniac Pooch
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (USA) — Anyone
who lives with a Chocolate Lab knows that humans have no monopoly on doing
dumb things. Labs learn quickly, don't they?
The Grand
Rapids Press reports that a mysterious kitchen fire at a house in
the 300 block of Washington Street was blamed—after an extensive arson
investigation—on the dog.
"I have to admit. This was a weird one," says Pablo Martinez,
Grand Rapids Fire Department investigator.
Mr. Martinez had some strange clues: the remains of a plastic bag in
the living room, the peels from a banana on the kitchen stove, and the
stove itself which was still emitting flames when the authorities arrived.
From these scant bits of evidence, Mr. Martinez determined the
"arsonist's" modus operandi: she had evidently raided the
garbage can in search of a plastic bag containing discarded meat and grill
grease from the night before. The stove was ignited in the process.
"The dog apparently knocked the switch on the old stove, turning
on the burner while trying to jump up and get the trash can," said
Mr. Martinez.
He adds: "The trash can was almost completely consumed by the fire;
however, there were traces of plastic from it melted on the stove. And the
meat wrapper was unburned."
(All eyes turn to the dog.)
House tenant Tracy Jonas agrees with the findings of the investigation. "I could
see that she was guilty. Her tail was wagging and her head was down."
"You think I used too much yeast?"
In this dramatic re-enactment, the role of Brooke is being played by Roxie,
a shelter dog at Lakeland Animal Haven, New Jersey, USA. Click on
her picture for more info or search the USA/Canada database of adoptable
dogs at www.petfinder.org.
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OK,
It seems like a few people out there haven't been paying attention,
because people keep doing dumb things, and dogs keep catching 'em.
Once and for all, here's the formula: