 Hey
you! Put down that dog and turn off the hyperbaric pressure
machine! Don't you know that Michigan Act 339 [287.279a]
states: when killing a dog, "use of high altitude
decompression chamber or electrocution prohibited"? 1
Today we're going to stick our noses in the law books to see what the latest legislation has in store for
our four-legged friends. And since dogs still aren't allowed to
vote—with a few notable exceptions (see "Canines
Conspire to Conquer the World")—it's up to us humans to make sure
our laws make some sense.
IRAN
Leader Wants All Dogs Arrested
TEHRAN (Iran) — If certain
religious powers get their way, it may soon be illegal to be a dog.
According to a Reuters
report this week, Gholamreza Hassani, the Islamic leader in the northwestern city of
Urumiyeh, announced at a recent prayer: "I call on the judiciary to
arrest all long-legged, medium- legged and short-legged dogs along
with their long-legged owners."
This bizarre statement caused at least one columnist to wonder if
the edict exempts "legless dogs dragged around by short-legged
people." 2
According to Reuters, canines are reviled by strict Muslims
for being "unclean".
"There is a verse in our Koran that if a person ... gets
sniffed or licked by a dog, that person's prayer will become
unacceptable for 40 days," says Ombra Gandamra, the regional
director of the Office of Muslim Affairs in Cagayan de Oro.
Back off! I just got through praying! (Photo: Dognoses.com)
Yet, the Reuters article cites that in recent years, dogs
have become more prevalent among well-to-do Iranian families. 3
Commenting on the anti-dog crusade (which Hassani has been pushing
since 1998), Artin Zaman, one of the founders of the Iranian
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, says: "Sometimes
they go after satellite dishes, sometimes they go after the way women
are dressed on the street and sometimes they go after dogs. It's
a way of keeping people distracted so they don't think about bigger
problems."
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USA
Judge Threatens Offenders
with Dog Poop
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (USA) — The
Chattanoogan reports that City Court
Judge Walter Williams is warning offenders to clean up their act, or he might force them to "shovel
dog poop."
Recently, he ordered a woman to serve 15 days of cleanup at the Humane Society, adding
that if that wasn't enough, he'd give her "50 days at the
landfill."
 "You don't want to go to the Humane Society," he
told another woman. "Those dogs cut loose. We give them X-Lax.
It cleans the system out."
The report did not specify the charges on which the offenders were
arraigned.
At another recent sentencing, Judge Williams threatened to send one offender to
the dog pound "without a mask so you will get the full aroma."
(And I thought they outlawed the gas chamber years ago.)
While Judge Williams may be well qualified to rule on dog poop, his
stance on more serious canine issues has outraged many dog-lovers.
Last year, he called for a crackdown on "potentially dangerous
dogs" (defined in Ordinance
No. 11299 as "any dog that has been designated as such by the
City Court of the City of Chattanooga") and made the inflammatory
remark: "I suggest we load up all the pit bulls and drop them on
Afghanistan." 5
Last year, the outspoken judge himself was brought to trial on 24
counts of conduct violations alleging that he was guilty of "rude and
discourteous treatment" of litigants.6 On June 18,
2001 he received a 30-day suspended sentence and was forced to attend a
three-week judiciary training course.
Seems like the "dangerous dogs" weren't the only ones with a
behavior problem.
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Headlines
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